---
title: Kindness creates growth
description: Nice avoids tension. Kind tells the truth. Explore why the most humane thing a leader can do is stop rescuing and start leading with clarity.
image: https://yvonnejohnston.co.za/hubfs/Article%2014.png
---
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Communication Skills
# Kindness creates growth
April 16, 2026
Is it possible to demand excellence… and still keep your people?
Why does holding someone accountable feel so uncomfortable, even when you know it’s necessary?
And why do so many good, decent, high-integrity leaders end up running mediocre teams?
Let’s talk about the kindness trap.
Most senior leaders don’t fail because they’re cruel. They fail because they care, or they want to be seen to be caring. I really believe they don’t want to be tyrants, they don’t want to demoralise people. But, they don’t want to have *that* awkward conversation.
So, when someone drops the ball, they soften the feedback, they give another chance, they assume good intent. Often, they step in and fix it themselves because it’s faster, it protects the client or the work, and it avoids the discomfort of having to have a difficult conversation.
That feels kind, and humane. That feels like good leadership.
But slowly, almost invisibly, the standards start to drop. A-players start carrying others; resentment builds, ownership weakens and the leader ends up exhausted. The leader is still “nice.” But the system is breaking.
That’s the kindness trap.
Here’s the uncomfortable part: Avoiding hard conversations isn’t compassion. It’s neglect. When you protect one underperformer from discomfort, you make the entire team pay. And without clear standards and consequences, your system quietly teaches people that carrying is rewarded. Ownership is optional, and mediocrity is survivable.
No amount of goodwill fixes that. Liking a leader is not the same as respecting standards. Harmony without clarity does not create performance. It creates performance drift.
We’ve confused “nice” with “kind.” Kind is expecting the best of people - allowing them to grow.
Nice avoids tension. Kind tells the truth.
Nice rescues. Kind builds capability.
Nice protects feelings in the moment. Kind protects the team long term.
Real kindness at work is this: Clear expectations, courageous conversations, fast follow-through; all delivered with high trust.
Clarity is not the opposite of kindness. Clarity is how kindness scales.
I learned this the hard way. I once tried to “be kind” to someone who wasn’t delivering. I invested time, energy, resources. I compensated and I repeatedly rescued. What I didn’t see at the time was this: In protecting one person, I was punishing the whole team. The top performers were carrying the load and watching me tolerate what they wouldn’t. That was the moment I realised: Rescuing isn’t kindness. Clarity is.
Nothing became harsher. Everything became clearer. And performance improved.
The shift is simple, but not easy.
Stop asking: “How do I keep people comfortable?”
Start asking: “How do I make excellence unavoidable?”
You can be direct without being cruel. You can care without rescuing. You can hold the line without becoming the villain.
Demanding leadership, done well, is liberating, not oppressive both for the team, and for you.
You don’t create less stress by carrying more. You get relief by leading differently. The moment you stop being the safety net…your team finally becomes the system.
I have written an in-depth article with plenty of guidance on how to do this – please download it from the Free resources tab.
Yvonne Johnston
Leadership & Self-Mastery Coach
Yvonne Johnston is a Master Coach, former CEO of Brand South Africa, and Harvard speaker with over 40 years of leadership experience. She works with senior executives and individuals ready to get clear and make change that sticks.
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